Statisticians Horrified to Discover that a Vote for Anyone but Trump Really Is a Vote for Hillary.


There has been a massive influx of argument recently on social media.  It is difficult to detect due to the impossibly high saturation point of conflict that already existed on such platforms.  But the battle these days seems to revolve around the two predominant candidates for President of the United States in the upcoming November election.  Many voters have found themselves in a position to cast ballots for a candidate they never wanted to, due to two extremely subpar options on that front.  One of the loudest arguments from people finding themselves begrudgingly in Trump’s camp is: “A third-party vote or a non-vote is a vote for Hillary.”  

Investigative historical statisticians at Wofford University were intrigued by this line of reasoning and set out to study the reality of such a statement.  To their shock and disgust, they learned that not only were current votes for Gary Johnson, Jill Stein, or Deez Nuts being counted towards the Clinton campaign, but many other votes throughout history have been credited to the Clinton campaign.

“When we started to dig a little deeper, we were appalled at what we discovered.  Not only are non-votes and third party votes this election going to be pushed to Hillary Clinton, but previous presidential elections have funneled votes her way as well…” stated Philip Broderick, Chief Analyst on the vote counting project.  

The study showed that Clinton’s snagged votes from non-voters was the main reason that Mondale could barely gain a state in the election of 1984.  It was assumed that Reagan dominated on his own merit, but in actuality it was a confusion over the massive influx of votes tallied by people staying home. 

“Remember American Idol season five? Taylor Hicks only won because Hillary Clinton siphoned off so many votes.”

Broderick cautioned anyone leaning towards a third-party vote or simply staying home on election day: “The only way to keep votes from going towards Hillary is to vote for Donald Trump.  We aren’t certain how she has pulled off bending the entire construct of logic or mathematics, but she has.”

Researchers said that votes haven’t been this irrelevant since 2000 when Florida basically made up everything.   

4 thoughts on “Statisticians Horrified to Discover that a Vote for Anyone but Trump Really Is a Vote for Hillary.

  1. Pingback: Statisticians Horrified to Discover that a Vote for Anyone but Trump Really Is a Vote for Hillary. | Not Exactly Subtle | So Far Left I'm Right

  2. I really like this post and want to reblog, but accidentally reblogged on my personal blog instead of the other one. Ugh, do you think you could do me a favor and un-approve my reblog of your post? Maybe that will make it so I can reblog again? If it is not too much trouble… Either way, thanks!


  3. This is great. What’s even more amazing to statisticians is that 3rd party voters actually got three votes: one for the 3rd party candidate, one went to Hillary, and one went to Trump.

    Or at least that’s what I’m being told.


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